A Year in Review

I think this is the first year in all my life that I am looking forward to the end of this year and the coming of the next. 2010 has been a very difficult year for all of us. We started off the year still dealing with Abby's frustrating colic, then Ethan had issues with fluid retention behind his ears, I got laid off, Ethan developed croup then got tubes put in his ears, and on and on the list goes. K-Love talked about having a word, a single word, to describe the year ending and a word to describe the next year. I would say my word for 2010 is "Trying." It was a year that tried our patience, our finances, our marriage, our strength and our faith. But we came through victorious and strong. The Lord was with us every step of the way and has never once left us and he doesn't forsake us.

My word for 2011 is "Change." I'm striving for a lot of change in 2011. A change in my walk and relationship with Christ. A change in my personal appearance, it's time to lose the baby weight, time to lose the thyroid weight, time to get back to the old me. I may never be 110 pounds again in my life but I'd like to not be 170 lbs or close anymore. Somewhere in the middle would do me just fine. I am looking forward to changing the way things are done around the house. Having a schedule and a routine to ensure that every room is cleaned and that my house stays in better functioning order. I'm hopeful that by developing this schedule not only does it ensure that things get done but it will help the kids to develop a routine and knowledge of what needs done and as they grow they can help us. I look forward to continuing to build upon the rock solid foundation my marriage is on. We've had our share of heartache and pain this year but we vowed before God and each other to remain husband and wife until death parts us. For better and for worse, no matter what life throws at us.

I look forward to changes in my household. Things like getting Ethan potty trained, getting Abby off her bottle and pacifier, to watch my kids continue to grow and develop into the little people God made them to be. It's amazing to live new parts of life through the eyes of my children. It brings thrill and excited into times that we've taken for granted for years. I look forward to spring, to being outdoors and playing, to taking walks and being active. I look forward to seeing how Ethan's speech improves with therapy this year. I look forward to Abby's new found freedom now that she's mobile. To watching her play at the park, learning her own speech patterns. Not to mention I look forward to her developing personality. She's such a flirt, such a ham.

We are striving for financial revival as well. Developing a budget that may have us living like we are in poverty but if it makes a difference and debt is resolved, it's so worth it. At some point it'll just be nice to have a little extra again. Not live paycheck to paycheck experiencing issues every month where the month and our money run our before our debt does. It's been a difficult year in that department between the layoff and issues with the truck and some uncontrolled spending. I'm to blame for that and trying to work on our 2011 budget really helped to show me that. So I strive to be more accountable for every penny spent going forward.

In just a few short hours the ball will drop, although I'll be in bed, marking the new year and Josh and I are welcoming it with open arms. Lord, help to show us your will in 2011, that we may grow closer to you and through you. Guide our steps, our decisions, that our testimony screams "We are children of the King" and not of this world. We love you, we praise your name and we pray expecting great things. Amen!

A New Day

I woke up this morning thanking God for the opportunity to live a new day. Each day is not only a new day it's a "renew" day. A day to start over, to start again. After the day I had yesterday and the feeling of failure and frustration, I sure needed a renew day. As I continue making time for my bible reading I get refreshment from the words written in red. How many parables did Jesus share with us in the bible? I don't know, I haven't read it all yet but I know that Luke is full of them. I've got four more chapters to read to finish up the book of Luke, a book I chose to read the week of Christmas to set my heart in the right place and it's been touching. To hear about the works that should be done, every day not just through the work week, to the faith as a grain of mustard seed, to casting our cares on Him to provide for our needs, and so much more. All the things that still apply today, just as they did all those years before. How great is our God?
While yesterday may have been a set back and even though today we got a rude call from a creditor over a payment already in the mail......I continue to believe with every fiber of my being that 2011 is going to be a year of changes for us. We WILL overcome the battle over our debt, not letting our debt win the battle over us as we have the last few years. We WILL grow, all of us, in ways that are yet unseen. We WILL lose weight and get healthy this year. We WILL, we CAN and again we WILL. I believe this, I strive for this, and I know that with God on our side and in our every waking breath ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
I got to share the miracle of my children with someone at work today. How by all accounts of the wordly doctors we saw, they never should have been possible. But what a blessing they are and what a miracle it's been to not only conceive them, carry them and birth them but to live each day of life with them. Lord, help us never to take a day for granted. It was nice to smile, almost cry, about their true life miracle stories and to show someone other than them and my husband just how much love I have for my family. My awesome family! 2011 is just days away and I look forward to the great things the Lord has in store for me, for my husband, for our children and for my family as a whole.

One of those days...

Have you ever just had one of those days where you felt like it was all going to be ok and then you felt yourself being attacked, feeling crushed, losing hope? That's how my day has gone. I once again woke up with big plans and great intentions....we are ready for big changes in the Edens household in 2011. I know that I'm striving for personal growth, spiritual renewal, financial revival, and so much more. So I set out this morning to start working our on 2011 budget, something that keeps us on track for paying our bills, frees up the "extra" that Josh brings in through after hours support phone and traveling, plus any extra we may receive in the mail or as gifts through the year - all so we can work towards our forever goal of being debt free. I know this isn't going to happen overnight but I thought I'd crunch some numbers in hopes of giving us just that - HOPE! Unfortunately, that plan backfired on me quickly. I can't believe that I've let things get so out of hand that once again we are at the end of the month, the end of our money (before the last paychecks are even in the bank) and yet we still have bills unpaid. This has got to change for us, has to stop, the only way to get out of the hole we are in is to stop digging! How do I ever expect us to be moving ahead full steam if I can't even keep us current. Thank goodness my husband is so on board with me that he's going to hold me strong when today I feel so weak.
We've been working with Ethan on potty training and while there are still moments where accidents occur, for being 5 days in I'd say he's doing quite well. They say that boys take longer than girls and since our 1 year old daughter is showing interest and has both pooped and peed in the potty - I'd say they are right. This is another area of change for the year 2011 in our home. First goal is to get Ethan out of diapers, then get Abby off her bottle, once her one year molars are in we will work to get her off her pacifier as well. Lastly, Lord willing, my goal is to have Abby out of diapers by the end of 2011. This will make her just over 2 years old. I figure if she shows interest now and we continue to let her use the restroom, develop a comfort level with it that maybe this can be a dream come true. Talk about a cost savings that will be. No more buying 2 boxes of diapers at $27.95 a week, that's almost $3,000 alone. WOW!
We both have goals to lose weight and get healthy in 2011 too. We both used to be so skinny and athletic yet now we both struggle with the amount of weight we've gained over the years as well as how out of shape we are. What happened to us? Oh, that's right - life! We slowed down and it caught up with us. The key here will be working out around the kids as well as eating better as a family. Ethan is so picky when it comes to eating that I just hope it doesn't last forever. My brother was and is still that way, sticks to his own "main food groups" rather than the FDA's food groups. We've joined Weight Watchers so hopefully that'll help to keep us both accountable and on the move towards a healthier lifestyle in the very near future.
As far as personal growth is concerned, I've struggled a lot this year and I think anyone who truly knows me can see this. I'm not so outgoing anymore. I'm not as social as I used to be. I've become a bit of a hermit, a homebody and an old lady! I love my husband and my children more than anything in the world but it's time to reconnect with me, whoever "me" is. What do I enjoy, where is my passion in life, what is my calling/purpose in life? All of these questions and so much more are streaming through me right now. It's time to answer them, to seek within myself the answers to these questions and bring her out of her cocoon into new life!
There is so much more that I want to say but for the sake of time and from rambling on I'll stop and say only this - Lord, we pray in your name always, expecting great things - AMEN!

Possessions Vs. Purpose

Our Pastor preached a great message yesterday morning about making sure our purpose is more important than our possessions. Meaning we should be constantly striving to live for God's purpose, His best, then for the possessions of this world. This is the main reason we have discontentment in our lives and I'd have to agree. For so long it's been about wanting what we want, many times wanting what we can't have and making our lives more difficult because of it. The new car, a new house, more money, less debt, better clothes, the list can go on and on of all the things that we want that just aren't a reality in where we are. But we should be focusing on where we are, what He has blessed us with and strive to live our lives according to His will which will lead us to the greatest blessings and possessions of all. Wow - talk about eye opening. So from this point forward, I will do my best to be content in where I am, in what I have, in who I am and know that all of it is God's blessing for me life.

Another week out....almost

I would say that once again, while my intentions are genuine and good....time is just not always my friend. I need to learn to better budget my time, the hours given to me in the day. Another week has passed. I have been reading, even in the midst of being so sick on Monday I could hardly keep my eyes open, I have been reading. This is something for me to celebrate because it does show that it's a priority to me. It may not always be at the same time everyday, it may only be a couple of chapters, but it's time in God's word and I'm in it daily. This is my goal and in it I have succeeded.
This week I decided to go to the good old book of Luke to get my heart ready for Christmas this weekend. Reading the true Christmas story is always a great way to get my heart ready for this time of year. It's not about the gifts, the number of presents under the tree or the amount of money spent - it's about the babe in the manger. The birth of Christ, where God became man to live a sinless life, to teach us, to guide us, to shed his blood and die for us as payment for our sins. It starts with his birth and it's worth celebrating.
I have seen The Nativity Story in theater and at home so now reading this story I can see the images as well. Probably just the Hollywood images but still...I can see Mary on the donkey, riding through to Bethlehem. I can see Joseph carefully guiding that donkey. I can see them frantically searching for a bed, a warm place to stay and for Mary to give birth. I can see the shepherds as they are greeted by the angels and are told of the birth of Christ. I try to put myself in that place. What an amazing true life story it is.
Then I think about Mary. How would I have responded to such a call from Christ. To conceive, as a virgin, the son of God to become the payment and remission of our sins. To know all that He'd be and become and to know of the suffering and the death he would die on the cross. As a mother myself, I just don't know that I could do it. I love my children too much to let them go....this is the biggest reality check of all for me. I need to realize that my children are God's children. He knit them together intricately and perfectly within my womb, I carried them and gave birth to them but they are His. I will raise them up the best that I can for Him because I know that while God chose us to be their parents, they are only ours on borrowed time. There may come a day when my son tells me he wants to be a missionary in some far off country, I'm sure I'll cry and I'll worry for him, but I will let him go proudly cherishing the man of God he will be. There may be a day when my daughter marries a man, strong in faith, who wants to move across the country to start a new church and be a preacher....I'll miss her, I'll cry, but I'll gladly and loving support them in any way that I can.
Lord, continue to use Josh and I, mold us and make us into the parents you would have us to be for our children. May we be a witness and testimony to all who see us that they may know - we are yours! May we be able to proudly say Merry Christmas in a time when the world is now focusing on Happy Holidays to be politically correct. Lord, you are the true reason for the season. May we always see that, both at Christmas time and each day of life you give us. Happy Birthday Jesus.

Nahum

So today I read the book of Nahum for the very first time. Short book, only three chapters but I have to say. I'm going to have to read it again. Simply because I know that no book would be included in the bible if it didn't have a purpose, if there wasn't something to be learned in it. It seems to be one of those books that in the first read through you feel it's kind of a "doom and gloom" book focusing on God's wrath of Nineveh. But having read Jonah I know that Nineveh confesses and turns from their wicked ways. So, I may just have to read it again. I will highlight it and make a note and we'll see what time is available to me at the end of this year long journey for go backs, for repeats, and for digging deeper. Right now my focus is on reading, but in doing so I want not just to read but to grow and to learn....that is why I will be coming back to this book. I don't want to feel like it was a book that I just read and that I got absolutely nothing out of.
So 17 days into my journey, while I've missed a few days here and there, I can proudly say that I have read 14 books of the bible and that's a total of 39 chapters. My count, based on the number of chapters in the bible, is that in order to be "on track" to read the bible in a year I need to be reading a little more than three chapters a day. So by that count, I am behind and have work to do to keep myself on track, to not back down from my challenge. I refuse to fail this time!

Faith without works is dead

Yesterday I took the time to read the book of James which showcasing the theme of "faith without works is dead." I took some time today to think through that theme and to think back to a message preached at church about our faith without work, faith without action. I must say that I'm not doing enough "work" with my faith. I'm not volunteering, I'm not helping out, I'm not getting involved...I'm a lame duck sitting in the pew soaking up the good news words but not doing anything with them. It's time I take a step back and think of all that I can do to help, to be involved, to spread the love of Christ to those around me. Even if it's just by me living a better Christian life and someone else seeing it and wanting it for themselves.
Today I read the book of Jonah, a strange little book in my opinion. We all understand the story of Jonah being told to go to Ninevah and instead he chose to flee his country for another as if he could out-run or hide from God. He ended up on a ship where the wind and the waves wrecked havoc because he was on the ship and in order to bring peace and balance back they threw him into the sea. There he was swallowed by a great fish where he remained for three days. That's pretty much the just of all four chapters of the book of Jonah. However, this too made me think - it's because of Jonah's disobedience to the call of God that he was punished/imprisoned in the belly of the whale. It took those three days to bring Jonah to his knees with the understanding that he had brought this punishment upon himself. I hate to say it but I will because I feel it's true, I don't believe I've ever truly heard God's call in my life. I don't believe I've ever heard that "still small voice" guiding me in one direction or another. I do know though that God is with me daily and He continues to get me through. My life may not have always been on course but even with the bumps and the detours he gets me back on track. So yet another goal of mine for the coming year is not only to be in the word daily, to strengthen my relationship with the Lord, to endeavor to have a better prayer life......now add to the list "listen for God's will, God's call upon my life."