The Greatest Gift

Driving to work this week I’ve noticed the marquee out in front of Susan Kasper’s State Farm Insurance and thought it was fitting enough to share. It reads “the greatest gift we can give our children, is to love our spouse.” Boy, isn’t that the truth. I know that there have been times in our 13 years together, in our almost 9 year marriage where I’ve taken for granted the relationship with my husband. Times when I didn’t “love” him the way he deserved to be loved and when I feel like I led a poor example to my children on how to love. It’s quite fitting that this spoke to me since the theme for our wedding, and many weddings I’m sure, was 1 Corinthians 13.

Charity (love) suffereth long, and is kind; charity enveith not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: not I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

When Josh and I were married this was read out of the NIV so the translation is a little different but the central theme is the same. We are to abide in faith, hope and love. We are to put away our old selves and our selfishness for our spouses so we can grow together in marriage and together in Christ Jesus. We are to endure the hard times and trials of life, coming out together stronger on the other side. We are to see ourselves in open light, to be open and honest at all times, communicating always one to another. The greatest gift we can give our children is not the possessions of this world, it’s to teach them the true meaning of love. The love of Christ, the love of a man for his wife and for his family, the love of a woman to her husband and her family. It’s not about the money we make, the clothes we wear, the houses we live in, the vacations we take, it’s about the love of a family.

Grace will see us through

I’ve been doing a lot of praying lately, a lot of searching for ways to better myself and my walk with God. I know I fall short constantly but I am aiming for more…it’s just a matter of staying the course. We are still struggling week to week financially and while we continue to pray that God will meet our needs and meet us where we are, we also continue to pray for revival. The struggles that we are facing are really no different then so many others, the economy has taken a fall over the past few years and many of us are feeling the effects of that. However, we have God on our side and we hold tight to that knowledge, power and understanding that only He can give us.

Grace seems to be a recurring theme in my life over the last week or so. God’s grace is sufficient for us. It’s by His grace that we are saved, that our sins are forgiven and we can find peace and comfort in His grace. But I loved this; grace is the gift that God gave us. It’s a gift, straight from Him! Man that alone gives me so much comfort. I tell you, there have been so many times lately where I’ve just been so frazzled, so torn over the little things and it just about kills me because I know – hey, this isn’t right, this is Satan saying “a ha, I got you where I want you” and I have to remember that God’s grace is with me.

Ms. Dawn gave a great little message Tuesday night at the Ladies Fellowship; it wasn’t a long message because we had just watched an hour long movie. But what she said stuck with me. We have to be patient and wait on God, He’s in control of His time table and it may not be instant like we always want. Healing isn’t instant, money doesn’t fall from the trees, live may change in the blink of an eye for some but for others it requires waiting. When we feel so discouraged, so troubled and we feel we can’t go on one more second…..that might just have been the second that God has His hand over us waiting to bless us and we missed it all because we gave up the fight.

I have to remember that we didn’t get into this situation over night and we won’t get out of it over night either. I have to stay in this time of trial knowing that God is using this to bless us. It sure may not feel like a blessing right now and yes there are times that I just want to quit, to say we’ve done all we can….oh but wait – there it is again. “We’ve” done all we can, it’s not about us. It’s about Him. He has a plan and purpose in all of this and we (mainly me) need to realize that. I can’t give in, I can’t give up, I can’t quit because I don’t want to miss out on God’s richest blessings. He could, if it was His will, bless us with millions tomorrow (my God is a big God, He really could do that) but would I really see the true victory there or would I take it for granted and run?

I’m in this time of trial to learn from my mistakes. I’m in this time of trial to learn how to be patient and wait upon the Lord. I’m in this time of trial because God is working in me. So rather than complain about it, play the “woe is me” card on myself making me feel sad, abandoned and frustrated with God for not answering my prayers the way I want…..I should instead just focus on saying “thank you God for being here with me, for walking with us through this fire, for refining us that we may shine for You!” So Lord, I thank you! I know you are with me, I feel your presence, and I see you and feel you in the words I read from the book of Psalms. I’m grateful for everything you’ve given me. I have so much to be thankful for and that’s where my focus should be. I love you Lord!

Ok God, I'm listening!

So I got through the day yesterday realizing that my prayers weren’t in vain, it’s just a part of the trials of life and I will persevere…..then comes today! Thank you Lord for hearing my prayers and for slapping me in my face when I needed it most. I got a great wakeup call in the form of not only a daily devotion but also in my daily reading. Talk about the Word of God coming forth at just the time you need it most. I love days like this.

It started with a daily devotion that Josh receives from Old Paths Journal and Brother Allen Domelle. If you’ve never met Allen Domelle, he’s a great evangelist and digs deep into a simple passage of scripture to drive home a message. This morning’s message was called “Where Is God?” and it sums up what I was feeling yesterday to a T. This part really got me:

 “Christian, one of the greatest tests that you will ever face in your Christian walk is to see how long you will continue to do right even when you don't seem to know where God's presence is. There are going to be times in your life when trials are present and you won't be able to find God.  There will be times when you are going through the greatest turmoil of your life and though you will feel that you really need to feel God's presence you will feel all alone. 

It is in these times when you must continue to go forward, for this is part of God's purification process.  Part of God's purification process is to hide Himself from you to see if you will continue doing right when you don't seem to know where He is.  The reason God does this is because this proves to Him if you are real.  This proves to God that you believe doing right is the right thing to do even when God's presence is not felt.  ”

Yes, I feel like I’m walking through this fire alone sometimes but then I realize, He’s always there. He’s counting on me to continue to show my faith through any and all circumstances. As the Pastor said a few weeks ago, it’s when we are in the fire that our true colors show – I fail in this area (finances) every single time. Nothing sets me off like our financial situation and that seems to be drawing plenty of attention from Satan because he keeps using it to attack me on a daily, weekly, monthly and for the last two years – annual basis! What I need to realize most of all is that if God can bring me to it, He will be there with me and He will walk beside me through it all – even when I don’t feel His presence. He is the all knowing, all powerful, mighty God who was and is and is to come. Nothing is too powerful for Him, including helping us to overcome our debt issues.

Then we get into my Bible reading for today. Keep in mind I’m reading through the book of Psalms right now which took me through Chapters 25-32 today. In Psalm 27 I was reminded in verse 1 that I have nothing to fear as the word says “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” Then again in Psalm 28 verse 7 reads “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.” In these two verses I’m reminded that #1 God IS my strength, He is my help in time of trouble, He is my strength, my light and my salvation. This world may get me down and out but I have a Father in Heaven who loves me, who wants the best for me, who is always with me. What more could I want or need in life aside from that knowledge there. This world is not my home, it’s just my temporary home until I graduate to glory and reside in my final resting place. I can’t take anything of this world with me when I’m gone, why do I let it control me so much?! My biggest issue is always in letting go and letting God. I can give it to Him in prayer and take it right back the next time things come to a head. All I can do is ask for people to keep me accountable and keep me stay grounded in my faith, in my trust and in the Lord.

Forgive Me for my Unbelief

Lately I’ve been emotional to say the least. My sweet miracle boy is about to turn 3 and that is enough to do me in. Then my husband and I have a conversation about why I hug and kiss on Ethan so much and I broke down realizing that I do this knowing in my heart that there is going to come a day when he isn’t going to want hugs and kisses all the time from mom, when rather than coming to me for them he’ll be pushing me away. Now that I’m a mom myself I understand so much more about my own mother and how she still feels about her “babies” even though we are now 29 and 23 respectively. No matter how the days and years are passing me by, he is and will always be my baby. Same with Abby girl, I look at her and realize how much she’s grown and changed in a year and even in the last few weeks and know that the time is coming when she too isn’t going to want all my affection.

Beyond just being emotional I’m also struggling and frazzled when it comes to our financial situation. I feel like I’m on repeat or on a broken record that keeps skipping and sending me backwards. We live on a two week basis as best as we can bill wise. My checks simply can’t do the work that Josh’s can. However, it typically means that things aren’t paid when they are due if we run out of money before we get to them and then we are behind. We have people calling us, texting us, emailing us to remind us that we are past due – we know that! If I had the money, you’d already be paid! It’s days like this where my flesh is weak and tired and just wants to give up. I pray, I cry, I vent, I pray some more yet I feel like it goes nowhere. Sure I recover and move on with life but then the next week or next pay period I’m in the same funk for a day or two.

However, today was a day that set me straight. God smacked my hand and said “I’m here, just be patient and listen.” In my lunchtime reading, which was only 15 minutes long, my reading took me to Psalms 22 and I cried some more. I had just prayed the whole trip from Wal-Mart back to work, tears in my eyes and a frog in my throat….so desperate to be heard, so tired of the struggle. Psalms 22 starts off “My God, my God, why hast though forsaken me? Why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring (lamentations)? O my God, I cry in the daytime, but thou hearest not; and in the night season, and am not silent. But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel.”

This is exactly how I felt as I prayed. I keep praying, my heart is burdened, my faith is tested, my flesh is tired and weak….do you hear me Lord? Do you see how this affects me? And not only me, Lord, but my children, my husband, my family unit? Do you see how this torments me and frustrates me and how that affects my mood, my state of mind, and my faith testimony? I know that You are mighty to save Lord, I know that You see us where we are and You knew we’d be here long before we did. You are the all powerful, all knowing, everlasting Father in Heaven and you will NEVER leave us or forsake us. All that I can continue to do is pray, seek your face, do what is right by You and Your Word and trust that in due time You will provide for our every need as You see fit. Lord, forgive me for my unbelief, I’m counting on you.