I usually don't make new years resolutions, this year I did. The only problem is, I may have set them a bit too high. Our year has started, we are almost two years in, but it's not started out as we had hoped. We are still behind with our finances with a short income in the month of January due to make lack of holiday pay. This upset me a good amount because I have such high hopes for getting our debt under control this year. When I allow it to beat me down right from the start, that isn't helpful. I have to keep praising God, when things are going our way and when they aren't. God has a plan and a purpose for this time in our lives. Yes, we may be struggling right now but we still have a home to live in, food on the table, clothes on our back, vehicles to drive, jobs that we enjoy and that provide us with the income to do all these things. We are behind because of our own spending issues, we should have saved more before the kids came along, we should have used better restraint in the things we bought that we didn't need. By "we" I should really be saying "me" - I'm the one who has taken over the check book, been paying all the bills but also the one who does the majority of the shopping and I'm the one who has struggled with impulse shopping. Buying things that I want or we want or that I think the kids want/need that weren't actually needs.
Now, being able to admit my fault is just part of the process. I need to learn to better budget, to involve my husband and partner in life, to turn things around without letting them take over me. My problem is that income and finances set me off and stress me out quicker than a toddler's tantrum....but that doesn't make it right. The right reaction should be to pray first, act later. I need to be giving the situation to God, praising him for providing for our needs and praying for the means by which to get caught up and back on schedule. If it's meant to be, then it will be. If it isn't meant to be then we'll continue to survive just as we have been. But I have to be able to fully give this to God, to stop taking it back, to exercise faith in Him providing. Step out in faith, trust, hope in the future - I need to work on these areas.
Lord, I love you. Thank you for your provisions, for your love and for your mercy. I'm laying our finances at your feet, our circumstances aren't new, you know of our every need. Lord, help to build my faith that I may trust this issue into your hands and not take it back. I must realize that we only have the money that our income provides, I need to live within those means. We may continue to struggle but if we can be faithful and just with you, you will return our obedience to full measure. As Josh and I are figuring out, or being convicted of, we can't be trusted with much if we can't take care of the little that you've given us. Again, our intentions are good and pure, help us to meet our goals by helping to give us wisdom and guidance. See us through this trial and walk with us through this fire, we know that we'll come out better on the other side. With you, all things are possible, we know this and believe this and pray trusting this. In your name we pray, expecting great things!
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