One of those days...

Have you ever just had one of those days where you felt like it was all going to be ok and then you felt yourself being attacked, feeling crushed, losing hope? That's how my day has gone. I once again woke up with big plans and great intentions....we are ready for big changes in the Edens household in 2011. I know that I'm striving for personal growth, spiritual renewal, financial revival, and so much more. So I set out this morning to start working our on 2011 budget, something that keeps us on track for paying our bills, frees up the "extra" that Josh brings in through after hours support phone and traveling, plus any extra we may receive in the mail or as gifts through the year - all so we can work towards our forever goal of being debt free. I know this isn't going to happen overnight but I thought I'd crunch some numbers in hopes of giving us just that - HOPE! Unfortunately, that plan backfired on me quickly. I can't believe that I've let things get so out of hand that once again we are at the end of the month, the end of our money (before the last paychecks are even in the bank) and yet we still have bills unpaid. This has got to change for us, has to stop, the only way to get out of the hole we are in is to stop digging! How do I ever expect us to be moving ahead full steam if I can't even keep us current. Thank goodness my husband is so on board with me that he's going to hold me strong when today I feel so weak.
We've been working with Ethan on potty training and while there are still moments where accidents occur, for being 5 days in I'd say he's doing quite well. They say that boys take longer than girls and since our 1 year old daughter is showing interest and has both pooped and peed in the potty - I'd say they are right. This is another area of change for the year 2011 in our home. First goal is to get Ethan out of diapers, then get Abby off her bottle, once her one year molars are in we will work to get her off her pacifier as well. Lastly, Lord willing, my goal is to have Abby out of diapers by the end of 2011. This will make her just over 2 years old. I figure if she shows interest now and we continue to let her use the restroom, develop a comfort level with it that maybe this can be a dream come true. Talk about a cost savings that will be. No more buying 2 boxes of diapers at $27.95 a week, that's almost $3,000 alone. WOW!
We both have goals to lose weight and get healthy in 2011 too. We both used to be so skinny and athletic yet now we both struggle with the amount of weight we've gained over the years as well as how out of shape we are. What happened to us? Oh, that's right - life! We slowed down and it caught up with us. The key here will be working out around the kids as well as eating better as a family. Ethan is so picky when it comes to eating that I just hope it doesn't last forever. My brother was and is still that way, sticks to his own "main food groups" rather than the FDA's food groups. We've joined Weight Watchers so hopefully that'll help to keep us both accountable and on the move towards a healthier lifestyle in the very near future.
As far as personal growth is concerned, I've struggled a lot this year and I think anyone who truly knows me can see this. I'm not so outgoing anymore. I'm not as social as I used to be. I've become a bit of a hermit, a homebody and an old lady! I love my husband and my children more than anything in the world but it's time to reconnect with me, whoever "me" is. What do I enjoy, where is my passion in life, what is my calling/purpose in life? All of these questions and so much more are streaming through me right now. It's time to answer them, to seek within myself the answers to these questions and bring her out of her cocoon into new life!
There is so much more that I want to say but for the sake of time and from rambling on I'll stop and say only this - Lord, we pray in your name always, expecting great things - AMEN!